creationofwill: (FLIP: in a three part harmony)
He decides to be God no again, it's easy that way. He hadn't expected it to be that easy. But anything that Shinji has also ever done tends to surprise no him. With that, Adam forgets; no with that, Kaworu sleeps.

Kaworu has never been afforded the luxury of forgetting no before. It's not something he can appreciate, as he has no idea he has forgotten. But sometimes, just sometimes, he stops no in the middle of whatever he is doing, and thinks:

I s t h i s r e a l l y t h e w a y no i t i s u p p o s e d t o b e ?

Life is too full of impact for him to ever consider that thought now, try as though he might. Kaworu no Ayanami recenty turned fifteen no years old. His father died long ago, his mother noexpects too much of him. With his colourless hair and black noeyes, he is Children Number One no. With his determination and will, he has spent half a year fighting the angels for the sake no! of mankind. NO!

Time to cut it down simple, or his mind might break from figuring out the truth, hmm?

This alone he might go crazy. This alone he might be frenzied by guilt. The idea of why surpasses him but he feels it is so. But there are two girls. Rei Ikari and it's interesting how that nae send two different pangs into his heart. Something about that last name... - no. Asuka, the girl with too long of a name for him to bother to use. It annoys her when he ignores her name and annoying her is the best. The best until he has to live with her and then it's just really annoying and a whole lot of damaging.

But really all shades of hilarious too.

He's okay. He has a feeling he wanted to be happy once. He is happy with the people he has. He is happy being useful. If he ignores the circumstances he is just fine. If he ignores the ghostly images in his mind. If he ignores the dreams where names he doesn't recognize echo through his head. If he -

One day he hears there might be a Fifth Children somewhere else. He would hack to find out about it, but life is suddenly too busy to try. Keeping Asuka from suicide is a hard task. Keeping Rei from hurting herself while she learns to be 'real' is a busy one.

Trying to be himself when his mother talks without talking, listens but never listens and always manages to manipulate him where he wants?

Impossible. He's okay. He's happy, he would guess. If only because he knows nothing else and no other way to think. That's all happiness is, right? A trick to the eye, so that you're happy and blind...

[Close your eyes, Kaworu Nagisa, and if nobody figures it out, then it's time to say goodbye]
creationofwill: (FLIP: sixth hour has past)
one has to wonder how far a strange, strange world can go into affecting those within it. would one figure out eventually that they are not in their own reality? would they not wish to? kaworu feels as if he is forgetting more and more important facts every day. writing them down does not help, asking gets him more medicine. he would rather not continue down that road, therefore e ha started to keep his opinions and queries to himself.

he does not like looking at the stars and he avoids it whenever ecessary. how odd, how strange, ow quaint. but he had told all of this to a girl at school oe day - he is not sure why she seeed particularly appealing to speak to, but she had, and mandy of her problems were similar to his. However, there was no phone up here, no radio, just complete isolation. he doesn't like it at all.

but what are you oing to do it about it? well, that is what he is trying to figure out while fidgeting. staying still would do him no use right now, but either way, he was not going to try.
creationofwill: (FLIP: crack the berlin wall)
but when you're god, all you have to do
                                                 is lie

once upon a time, in the heart of one whom may someday be called a man, were the wishes of a young boy. he had committed sins and atoned, he had taken no action, every action, and sacrificed his whole being for another whose name was stamped deep into his heart. we could be talking about shinji ikari, we could be talking about kaworu nagisa. does it really matter all that much in the end?

their souls and wishes are the same and at the moment, they are being fulfilled. a perfect paradise cannot last forever, but one can try - can't they? try to remember, try to forget, try to be nothing more but two teenagers in an undisturbed peace at a summer home.

try, try, try. the longer a wait, the harder the fall, but maybe it was worth it after all.
creationofwill: (FLIP: in a three part harmony)
Kaworu is feeling almost better from the last bout of being sick. He is seriously considering his medication at this point - it's not as if it affects him either way, but it's sure as hell affecting Akito and Yoite. Why he still can't understand why anyone would hold even a thought, let alone affection for him, he's never questioned it. That would be really stupid.

He's still too weak to even imagine the idea of going downstairs to order it, so he'll wait until tomorrow. After all, nobody knew he was supposed to still be taking them. He can just pretend that he was put back on the pills and injection.

Kaworu is laying on his bed reading, but he really has no idea what. He's more busy keeping an out to see if Yoite manifests today. He likes his days best when Yoite does. Of course, somehow he manages to fall asleep doing this - apparently not reading a book is tiring - but Kaworu will wake up when he needs to. He has faith in this!
creationofwill: (do it like lilims do)
Kaworu is sick today. Really, really, really damn sick. Yoite is not around at this time; if he was, Kaworu would find a way to suck it up. He could, really, he could. (That is a lie and Yoite has already seen him ill a multitude of times.)

It's a fever today, 102.5. If he cared that much, he would worry about it. After all, it's near the rejection threshold and it really is not normal. But he knows how to fake a lower temperature if he needs to and he can get control of this easily. He just... needs to be able to leave the bathroom, first. Throwing up did not happen before he was a lilim and he finds the whole process to be distasteful.

Truth be told he likes the fevers. He hallucinates then, he sees those he left behind.

He'll die for those chances, if he needs to.

November 2010

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