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[creationofwill]

Kaworu is feeling almost better from the last bout of being sick. He is seriously considering his medication at this point - it's not as if it affects him either way, but it's sure as hell affecting Akito and Yoite. Why he still can't understand why anyone would hold even a thought, let alone affection for him, he's never questioned it. That would be really stupid.

He's still too weak to even imagine the idea of going downstairs to order it, so he'll wait until tomorrow. After all, nobody knew he was supposed to still be taking them. He can just pretend that he was put back on the pills and injection.

Kaworu is laying on his bed reading, but he really has no idea what. He's more busy keeping an out to see if Yoite manifests today. He likes his days best when Yoite does. Of course, somehow he manages to fall asleep doing this - apparently not reading a book is tiring - but Kaworu will wake up when he needs to. He has faith in this!

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[truthlike.livejournal.com]

No, that's not how it works, Kaworu. Both are equally beautiful and deserving, in this case. (Even if Yoite doesn't see it in himself.)

"Kaworu. To see you through these eyes... It makes me feel new."

[creationofwill]

New. Would Kaworu enjoy feeling new? He's really not sure, at this point.

"Sight, touch... what other senses are we leaving out?"

He will make sure to trigger every one of them.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"Sound. I can hear your voice very clearly, very close to me."

He considers.

"Taste. It's the first I started to lose, so it's been gone the longest."

[creationofwill]

"There is a way for that, as well." One may have to put suspect on the fact Kaworu does not even have to think about it. "But Yoite, he has to be willing to take on a little more of Kaworu for himself."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"You won't hurt me. So, it's all right."

[creationofwill]

Now that is the first time that Kaworu has ever heard a statement even slightly like that. Kaworu always hurts the Important ones eventually, but he doesn't want to tell Yoite this. That is his true act of selfishness.

"This will be strange," he says. "There is only one thing that ghosts can taste, to my knowledge.

Just close you eyes and keep that trust."

When he is not watched, he bites down on his upper lip, hard enough to make it bleed. He licks it away, his mouth tastes of it now. His lips, too, but that's the point - he took the taste into his mouth bssed only on the slim chance this works, and the even slimmer chance that Yoite would want to go after the taste instead of finding some quick way to make Kaworu suffer.

"Try," he exhales on a breath. "Just... try."

It is so easy to imitate the almost-kiss from earlier. Entirely too easy for this.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

So, he tries. His eyes close in a fluttery sort of way and he parts his lips when he feels Kaworu's presence close to his mouth.

Then, it's there: Copper, a slick warmth. He knows that taste very well. It makes him hum questioningly and run his tongue over the roof of his mouth, but he doesn't open his eyes.

But, he leans in.

[creationofwill]

There's a new element here, one that he did not expect. He can... feel Yoite. Just hee, with what he had offered. Kaworu can feel him like he's alive, but he doesn't try to look why. That might take this all away.

He can feel the kiss, he can feel Yoite trying for more (!). So he kisses the other for all he's worth. When he sneaks his tongue into Yoite's mouth, it's only to help with the taste, of course.

But somehow this feels like they are writing a new composition, all of their very own.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

More slickness: everything feels smooth. The taste of blood is strong in his mouth. Cold essence-air is moving against Kaworu's chest, even if Yoite isn't moving his hands (yet). His first instinct is to murmur Kaworu's name, yet again, but all he says is, "Ah," into Kaworu's mouth, and his shoulders hunch and he shivers.

There is something beautiful going on, but Yoite doesn't have a name for it. It seems too all-encompassing.

[creationofwill]

And it suddenly becomes amazing when he realizes that this had an effect in more than one way. Simply put, somehow the expeiment had given full physical form. Unlike most events, he is not going to think about it, or try to reason it out. Kaworu will let it be what it is to be.

It is not as if he can really think, in any case. Not in that way. All of his thoughts are focused.

He only pulls back enough to speak, his breath a little ragged. "Yoite," he says, touches the other's cheek with his hand. "I'm touching you, Yoite."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

It's when Kaworu says those words that Yoite realizes he needs to inhale. It's sharp, and sort of painful, but he's using air, just like he hasn't been able to. And all of a sudden there are tears all down his cheeks, so many of them, and his face is flushed. For a few moments, he is real.

And though it's exhilarating, it terrifies him. What if he flickers? When will this end? He doesn't want to stop; he doesn't want to find himself as passing through Kaworu again; he wants to keep these sensations.

He can't say anything. He just breathes, hitching and shaky because of sobs that catch in his throat.

His head hurts, but he's relishing it.

[creationofwill]

If he flickers, then Kaworu will find a way to make Yoite solid again. He'll do it until Yoite fall asleep (do teenagers turned ghosts turned solid sleep?). He was not going to let go tonight, not if neither of them wanted to.

Kaworu kisses and licks at every little bit of wet cheek. This is something that, in the past, he only did for Rei, or just once, she for him. That Yoite can fit in that comfort zone, it's not a fact he cares to question. He will leave it for a time when thinking of such things is suitable.

"Don't worry, never worry. I would make a blood pact on it - " hadn't he already done that? " - I will make sure you are always, if not happy, offered every possible chance to be so."

Kaworu knows what that means for him once Miharu walks through that door, but life is a gamble, and he is taking the bet. He's up four and five on the suite of hearts, with a king of spades on the table. It's time to bet it all, even though that new card will never land on twenty-one.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

Yoite shakes. Lips against cheeks, it isn't new to him; however, before, the touch wasn't tender, and Hattori's beard would prickle against his soft skin and hurt him.

Kaworu is not going to hurt him. He needs to keep this thought at hand, or he'll hide. (But, can he truly hide from Kaworu? He knows that this angel could just run hands across his ribs and see everything inside.)

"I've worried for so long," Yoite says, shuddering and close, "That it scares me if I find that I'm not."

[creationofwill]

"But you get to have the small worries, now. The ones like 'did I turn off the stove?'. They seem asinine and boring to those who lived them all their life, but you have not."

He Hates whoever wrecked this wonderful, beautiful boy. They deserves everything horrible twice over.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"I'll try to remember to turn it off." Another inhalation, though this one is smoother. "I'll boil water for lemonade, if I can remember how Yukimi made it for me. I'll try."

The last statement applies to a great deal of things.

[creationofwill]

Kaworu kisses him for that, soft and quick; he feels that he has to, for some reason. It was earned. Most would have given up long ago, but Yoite never did.

"Thank God for you, Yoite."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"God?" He doesn't sound bitter. Just sad.

[creationofwill]

"God," Kaworu says again, letting himself fall back on the bed, so he can stare at the ceiling. Of course, he attempts to pull Yoite along - while he has closeness, he is going to keep it, thank you.

"Then I shall not be ashamed when I look at all Your commandments.
I shall thank You with an upright heart when I learn the judgments of Your righteousness.
I shall keep Your statutes; do not forsake me utterly.
In what manner should a youth purify his way? To observe according to Your word.
With all my heart I searched for You; do not cause me to stray from Your commandments.
In my heart I hid Your word, in order that I should not sin against You.
Blessed are You, O Lord; teach me Your statutes.
With my lips I recited all the judgments of Your mouth.
With the way of Your testimonies I rejoiced as over all riches.
Concerning Your precepts I shall converse, and I shall look at Your ways.
With Your statutes I shall occupy myself; I shall not forget Your speech.
Bestow kindness upon Your servant; I shall live and I shall keep Your word"

No Hebrew, English right out - Kaworu isn't playing around with this. He needs this to be understood, not revered.

It is overlayed with many meaning of Yoite. He probably will not realize them just yet.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

And of course Yoite does follow Kaworu to rest against the bed, though he himself lays on his side, to better hang on. "Do not forsake me utterly, Kaworu," because Yoite has never felt worthy enough to pray to God, but he feels that he can to this (his - you have actually been sent-) angel. "With my lips..."

And it's frightened and he doesn't know what he's doing, but he leans ever closer, and he presses his lips to the corner of Kaworu's mouth, and he holds on with corporeal fingers.

[creationofwill]

Kaworu touches Yoite's hair, just a little, just enough, and curl the strands around his fingers. "I would not," he would forsake himself far before that happened. "Yoite."

His lips meet Yoite's again. "Blessed are you..."

It is almost as if there is no difference between the words and a breath.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"I think," and again, the words are air (though warm, though sweet), "That I am blessed. Kaworu has done that for me."

He doesn't know anything that could make him feel more... full. Fulfilled? There is purpose.

His stomach is warm, his hands are warm, and it's here that he says, "Kaworu. Will you take my gloves off of my hands?" He wants to see if his skin will be clear. He wants to touch even more.

[creationofwill]

No words are needed for this, they will only add heaviness to an air that does not need it. Kaworu removes the gloves as asked to, setting them aside carefully. Somehow he feels as if one wrong move might disturb an element he can't identify.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

Skin, pale (he's always been pale, always been porcelain with too many cracks), is what Yoite sees. There are no bruises. He is clean, and it makes him cry all over again.

"I'm glad," he says, "That you don't have to see me as ugly." Tears slide down his chin and he wipes them away with his wrist. "You should see only stars and butterflies, pretty things."

[creationofwill]

"I only saw stars once, I didn't care for them." What you do not need until it is gone, etc, etc. "Butterflies are terrible, and even if I cared for either of these things, I would not want them."

He closes his eyes for a moment, breathes, before opening them once more. Kaworu removes Yoite's hat and sets it with the gloves - easily accessible if that was a wrong move. He leans into Yoite, foreheads together. He wishes that his eyes weren't crimson, the mark of a Berserker. Rei's were once a brilliant shade of blue, almost inhuman. His had been green, matching just the same.

Eye for an eye and it corrupted them both. They might as well have been separated for eternity, as she had no recollection of him and he never had the hope to believe she would.

But something about Yoite, being near him, hearing him, touching him - maybe he could hope a little more. Was that not a sign of beauty, no matter the outward appearance? Maybe Kaworu is crying too, but he won't even try to stop himself. Not this time.

"Ugly are those covered in sin, blood spots that they cannot wash off their body. Yoite could never have been ugly, for what would he have done to deserve such a definition?

"I leave too many sins below me with each step. No amount of shower will get the stink out of me, nor the blood from my clothing. I've lived far too long by anyone's account, and I am meant to live forever. Is it a coincidence that genocide seems to always follow behind my feet? For should they attain long life, they will be held in no esteem, and dishonored will their old age be at last; While should they die abruptly, they have no hope nor comfort in the day of scrutiny; for dire is the end of the wicked generation."

When will his wicked generation be completed?

"Yoite." The one who he use so many biblical words for, the one that did not yet understand that the books meant nothing at all. "Yoite, let me show you how beautiful you've always been."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

Yoite doesn't mind red eyes. He doesn't mind fair hair and certainly doesn't mind the hands so close to him. Kaworu's tears seem precious, and so Yoite doesn't wipe them away; they're not anything to be ashamed of.

"Do you think," Yoite says softly, with all the sadness of a thousand years that he hasn't been alive for, "That I haven't sinned? That I haven't seen blood across my skin? Kaworu... You know this." Clear eyes; they're often so clear. As if he's accepted everything in his life. "With not much remorse, even, since it's what I was born for. Into."

And at Kaworu's words, Yoite tenses, closes up into himself, shuts his eyes and shakes his head. "I'm not. 'It' isn't." --As well as beautiful. Yoite, in a way, doesn't want to be desirable.