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[creationofwill]

Kaworu is feeling almost better from the last bout of being sick. He is seriously considering his medication at this point - it's not as if it affects him either way, but it's sure as hell affecting Akito and Yoite. Why he still can't understand why anyone would hold even a thought, let alone affection for him, he's never questioned it. That would be really stupid.

He's still too weak to even imagine the idea of going downstairs to order it, so he'll wait until tomorrow. After all, nobody knew he was supposed to still be taking them. He can just pretend that he was put back on the pills and injection.

Kaworu is laying on his bed reading, but he really has no idea what. He's more busy keeping an out to see if Yoite manifests today. He likes his days best when Yoite does. Of course, somehow he manages to fall asleep doing this - apparently not reading a book is tiring - but Kaworu will wake up when he needs to. He has faith in this!

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[creationofwill]

Yoite seems so very, very young. Kaworu feels so very young. He doesn't know what's okay and what isn't, but he's getting an idea of how things work like this. "Yoite,

How much warmer do you want to feel?

Yoite."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

And Yoite is young, when it comes down to it. Young and inexperienced. He doesn't yet know the world - didn't know it, before he died - no matter how much pain he had felt.

"Very warm," he says, quite softly, wishing his voice was tangible, that he could show its colors to Kaworu, that he could touch his breath to Kaworu's cheek, "Please. I'm afraid."

[creationofwill]

But he has Kaworu, who can tell him stories going back to the birth of everything, up until now. Now is when he met Yoite, now is he started to care again, now is when he carries grief or the death of one Kaworu never even knew when he was alive.

"You don't have to be afraid, Yoite. Not here, not with me."

He breathes over his hands and rubs them together. "Warm, warm," he hums, as if being audible will help. "Warm..." He has the absolute feeling that Yoite could feel warmth from his hands if he just moved them closer to his body, in a copy of earlier. The idea of any of it tints Kaworu's cheeks with blush again, but he can blame that on needing to keep warm. (As if that would float).

Kaworu is moving his hands up at Yoite's sides now, up up with that less of an inch of space, the down down Yoite's back. "You'll have to tell me if this is enough," he says, biting down on his lip. "If it keeps you warm enough..."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

What's it like to be so close to someone? Yoite barely remembers. He can recall Miharu's little body pressed against his own, but it's so distant.

For that, and for the fact that he had previously dedicated himself to only Miharu's hands (though it never quite happened like this), Yoite feels shame. His eyes shut and he tilts his head back and he looks as if he wants to say something. It could be a protest-

But, it comes as, "It's like there's nothing between us."

[creationofwill]

It's an accurate description of something Kaworu ha not been able to find the words for. It's one that he'll remember, even if there's a time that he doesn't want to at all. But, well - no thinking about that.

"Does that... help?"

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"I feel alive." And it's true; during life, his most lifelike moments were the times Miharu touches him. Kaworu's warmth is no different, he finds.

[creationofwill]

Somehow, that makes Kaworu have to smile.

"You are alive, Yoite," he says. "In whatever form you take.

Always."

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"I don't have a heart anymore."

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"I never had one in the first place."

Consideration.

"Mine can belong to both of us."

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"You'd share it? With me?"

[creationofwill]

"Don't you think," Kaworu pauses there and exhales, a little more than usual, his bangs unsettling from the simple act. "That I already have been?"

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"If I have a heart someday," not when, but if, for him, "Kaworu will also have a part."

[creationofwill]

"I'm glad," Kaworu says. "I really am."

Can the idea of deserving a shared emotion go one way and not the other? Yoite deserved everything up to the world and beyond. But Kaworu - Kaworu has performed far too many bad deeds, he killed too many without even knowing, he failed to keep Lilith safe from impact. He failed to keep Yehoshua safe from his own delusions.

Who could say that he deserved anything now?

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

No, that's not how it works, Kaworu. Both are equally beautiful and deserving, in this case. (Even if Yoite doesn't see it in himself.)

"Kaworu. To see you through these eyes... It makes me feel new."

[creationofwill]

New. Would Kaworu enjoy feeling new? He's really not sure, at this point.

"Sight, touch... what other senses are we leaving out?"

He will make sure to trigger every one of them.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"Sound. I can hear your voice very clearly, very close to me."

He considers.

"Taste. It's the first I started to lose, so it's been gone the longest."

[creationofwill]

"There is a way for that, as well." One may have to put suspect on the fact Kaworu does not even have to think about it. "But Yoite, he has to be willing to take on a little more of Kaworu for himself."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"You won't hurt me. So, it's all right."

[creationofwill]

Now that is the first time that Kaworu has ever heard a statement even slightly like that. Kaworu always hurts the Important ones eventually, but he doesn't want to tell Yoite this. That is his true act of selfishness.

"This will be strange," he says. "There is only one thing that ghosts can taste, to my knowledge.

Just close you eyes and keep that trust."

When he is not watched, he bites down on his upper lip, hard enough to make it bleed. He licks it away, his mouth tastes of it now. His lips, too, but that's the point - he took the taste into his mouth bssed only on the slim chance this works, and the even slimmer chance that Yoite would want to go after the taste instead of finding some quick way to make Kaworu suffer.

"Try," he exhales on a breath. "Just... try."

It is so easy to imitate the almost-kiss from earlier. Entirely too easy for this.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

So, he tries. His eyes close in a fluttery sort of way and he parts his lips when he feels Kaworu's presence close to his mouth.

Then, it's there: Copper, a slick warmth. He knows that taste very well. It makes him hum questioningly and run his tongue over the roof of his mouth, but he doesn't open his eyes.

But, he leans in.

[creationofwill]

There's a new element here, one that he did not expect. He can... feel Yoite. Just hee, with what he had offered. Kaworu can feel him like he's alive, but he doesn't try to look why. That might take this all away.

He can feel the kiss, he can feel Yoite trying for more (!). So he kisses the other for all he's worth. When he sneaks his tongue into Yoite's mouth, it's only to help with the taste, of course.

But somehow this feels like they are writing a new composition, all of their very own.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

More slickness: everything feels smooth. The taste of blood is strong in his mouth. Cold essence-air is moving against Kaworu's chest, even if Yoite isn't moving his hands (yet). His first instinct is to murmur Kaworu's name, yet again, but all he says is, "Ah," into Kaworu's mouth, and his shoulders hunch and he shivers.

There is something beautiful going on, but Yoite doesn't have a name for it. It seems too all-encompassing.

[creationofwill]

And it suddenly becomes amazing when he realizes that this had an effect in more than one way. Simply put, somehow the expeiment had given full physical form. Unlike most events, he is not going to think about it, or try to reason it out. Kaworu will let it be what it is to be.

It is not as if he can really think, in any case. Not in that way. All of his thoughts are focused.

He only pulls back enough to speak, his breath a little ragged. "Yoite," he says, touches the other's cheek with his hand. "I'm touching you, Yoite."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

It's when Kaworu says those words that Yoite realizes he needs to inhale. It's sharp, and sort of painful, but he's using air, just like he hasn't been able to. And all of a sudden there are tears all down his cheeks, so many of them, and his face is flushed. For a few moments, he is real.

And though it's exhilarating, it terrifies him. What if he flickers? When will this end? He doesn't want to stop; he doesn't want to find himself as passing through Kaworu again; he wants to keep these sensations.

He can't say anything. He just breathes, hitching and shaky because of sobs that catch in his throat.

His head hurts, but he's relishing it.

[creationofwill]

If he flickers, then Kaworu will find a way to make Yoite solid again. He'll do it until Yoite fall asleep (do teenagers turned ghosts turned solid sleep?). He was not going to let go tonight, not if neither of them wanted to.

Kaworu kisses and licks at every little bit of wet cheek. This is something that, in the past, he only did for Rei, or just once, she for him. That Yoite can fit in that comfort zone, it's not a fact he cares to question. He will leave it for a time when thinking of such things is suitable.

"Don't worry, never worry. I would make a blood pact on it - " hadn't he already done that? " - I will make sure you are always, if not happy, offered every possible chance to be so."

Kaworu knows what that means for him once Miharu walks through that door, but life is a gamble, and he is taking the bet. He's up four and five on the suite of hearts, with a king of spades on the table. It's time to bet it all, even though that new card will never land on twenty-one.