(no subject)

[creationofwill]

Kaworu is feeling almost better from the last bout of being sick. He is seriously considering his medication at this point - it's not as if it affects him either way, but it's sure as hell affecting Akito and Yoite. Why he still can't understand why anyone would hold even a thought, let alone affection for him, he's never questioned it. That would be really stupid.

He's still too weak to even imagine the idea of going downstairs to order it, so he'll wait until tomorrow. After all, nobody knew he was supposed to still be taking them. He can just pretend that he was put back on the pills and injection.

Kaworu is laying on his bed reading, but he really has no idea what. He's more busy keeping an out to see if Yoite manifests today. He likes his days best when Yoite does. Of course, somehow he manages to fall asleep doing this - apparently not reading a book is tiring - but Kaworu will wake up when he needs to. He has faith in this!

Comments

[creationofwill]

"I can feel it." His voice is almost a whisper, but he keeps his eyes open. Takes in every little bit of the current sight of Yoite. Some things just had to be remembered.

"Yoite."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"Kaworu?" There's hesitance. He's afraid he's doing something wrong.

[creationofwill]

Never. Never anything wrong, ever, not from Yoite.

"Yoite can feel with my heartbeat anytime. Yoite does not need to ask permission. my heartbeat, my warmth, anything."

Kaworu is so very attached, too far beyond the point where one has to puzzle whether or not it's a good idea.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"Please make me warm," Yoite says, wanting to feel fabric inbetween his fingers, wanting to touch Kaworu's sleeve. Something about this is, again, entirely too intimate for him, but he's holding on to it because he feels real. He's looking at Kaworu's grey eyelashes.

[creationofwill]

Kaworu can try. He can think of things. He does not say that out loud, because it would be absolutely facetious.

They had been operating on facsimiles', hadn't they? But it had turned out more real than they thought. "Yoite," he says, almost in reverence. "Yoite, Yoite - "

He has no idea if this will work, but he's not really thinking, either. Operating on instinct, that's all he is. He moves in closer, he leans in and maybe it's easy to imitate a kiss. The only real part of it is his feelings and his warm, hot breath exhaled during the act -

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"Ka-" Yoite goes very still. His lips are parted from the sound he'd made, but that helps; he can feel. It's warm, spreading across his mouth and what used to be the soft plush of lips.

Kaworu may feel cool air on his arms; Yoite's trying to touch him out of instinct, But his shoulders look stiff, and his eyes look as if he doesn't at all know what to do.

[creationofwill]

Yoite seems so very, very young. Kaworu feels so very young. He doesn't know what's okay and what isn't, but he's getting an idea of how things work like this. "Yoite,

How much warmer do you want to feel?

Yoite."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

And Yoite is young, when it comes down to it. Young and inexperienced. He doesn't yet know the world - didn't know it, before he died - no matter how much pain he had felt.

"Very warm," he says, quite softly, wishing his voice was tangible, that he could show its colors to Kaworu, that he could touch his breath to Kaworu's cheek, "Please. I'm afraid."

[creationofwill]

But he has Kaworu, who can tell him stories going back to the birth of everything, up until now. Now is when he met Yoite, now is he started to care again, now is when he carries grief or the death of one Kaworu never even knew when he was alive.

"You don't have to be afraid, Yoite. Not here, not with me."

He breathes over his hands and rubs them together. "Warm, warm," he hums, as if being audible will help. "Warm..." He has the absolute feeling that Yoite could feel warmth from his hands if he just moved them closer to his body, in a copy of earlier. The idea of any of it tints Kaworu's cheeks with blush again, but he can blame that on needing to keep warm. (As if that would float).

Kaworu is moving his hands up at Yoite's sides now, up up with that less of an inch of space, the down down Yoite's back. "You'll have to tell me if this is enough," he says, biting down on his lip. "If it keeps you warm enough..."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

What's it like to be so close to someone? Yoite barely remembers. He can recall Miharu's little body pressed against his own, but it's so distant.

For that, and for the fact that he had previously dedicated himself to only Miharu's hands (though it never quite happened like this), Yoite feels shame. His eyes shut and he tilts his head back and he looks as if he wants to say something. It could be a protest-

But, it comes as, "It's like there's nothing between us."

[creationofwill]

It's an accurate description of something Kaworu ha not been able to find the words for. It's one that he'll remember, even if there's a time that he doesn't want to at all. But, well - no thinking about that.

"Does that... help?"

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"I feel alive." And it's true; during life, his most lifelike moments were the times Miharu touches him. Kaworu's warmth is no different, he finds.

[creationofwill]

Somehow, that makes Kaworu have to smile.

"You are alive, Yoite," he says. "In whatever form you take.

Always."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"I don't have a heart anymore."

[creationofwill]

"I never had one in the first place."

Consideration.

"Mine can belong to both of us."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"You'd share it? With me?"

[creationofwill]

"Don't you think," Kaworu pauses there and exhales, a little more than usual, his bangs unsettling from the simple act. "That I already have been?"

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"If I have a heart someday," not when, but if, for him, "Kaworu will also have a part."

[creationofwill]

"I'm glad," Kaworu says. "I really am."

Can the idea of deserving a shared emotion go one way and not the other? Yoite deserved everything up to the world and beyond. But Kaworu - Kaworu has performed far too many bad deeds, he killed too many without even knowing, he failed to keep Lilith safe from impact. He failed to keep Yehoshua safe from his own delusions.

Who could say that he deserved anything now?

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

No, that's not how it works, Kaworu. Both are equally beautiful and deserving, in this case. (Even if Yoite doesn't see it in himself.)

"Kaworu. To see you through these eyes... It makes me feel new."

[creationofwill]

New. Would Kaworu enjoy feeling new? He's really not sure, at this point.

"Sight, touch... what other senses are we leaving out?"

He will make sure to trigger every one of them.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"Sound. I can hear your voice very clearly, very close to me."

He considers.

"Taste. It's the first I started to lose, so it's been gone the longest."

[creationofwill]

"There is a way for that, as well." One may have to put suspect on the fact Kaworu does not even have to think about it. "But Yoite, he has to be willing to take on a little more of Kaworu for himself."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"You won't hurt me. So, it's all right."

[creationofwill]

Now that is the first time that Kaworu has ever heard a statement even slightly like that. Kaworu always hurts the Important ones eventually, but he doesn't want to tell Yoite this. That is his true act of selfishness.

"This will be strange," he says. "There is only one thing that ghosts can taste, to my knowledge.

Just close you eyes and keep that trust."

When he is not watched, he bites down on his upper lip, hard enough to make it bleed. He licks it away, his mouth tastes of it now. His lips, too, but that's the point - he took the taste into his mouth bssed only on the slim chance this works, and the even slimmer chance that Yoite would want to go after the taste instead of finding some quick way to make Kaworu suffer.

"Try," he exhales on a breath. "Just... try."

It is so easy to imitate the almost-kiss from earlier. Entirely too easy for this.