(no subject)

[creationofwill]

Kaworu is feeling almost better from the last bout of being sick. He is seriously considering his medication at this point - it's not as if it affects him either way, but it's sure as hell affecting Akito and Yoite. Why he still can't understand why anyone would hold even a thought, let alone affection for him, he's never questioned it. That would be really stupid.

He's still too weak to even imagine the idea of going downstairs to order it, so he'll wait until tomorrow. After all, nobody knew he was supposed to still be taking them. He can just pretend that he was put back on the pills and injection.

Kaworu is laying on his bed reading, but he really has no idea what. He's more busy keeping an out to see if Yoite manifests today. He likes his days best when Yoite does. Of course, somehow he manages to fall asleep doing this - apparently not reading a book is tiring - but Kaworu will wake up when he needs to. He has faith in this!

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[creationofwill]

Perhaps it feels that way to Kaworu, too, which is rather strange as he has no problem whatsoever getting into most peoples' personal spaces. But he ignores it, something that he is getting rather good at.

"Yes," he says, "But it is not always the same thing."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

Yoite shifts, uncomfortable, and finally asks the thing he's been wondering ever since he met Kaworu - since before he started talking, since before he realized that yes, he is dead.

"Why do you understand things?" 'About me,' is what he means.

[creationofwill]

"I could ask you the same thing," he says; he backs off a little, not giving Yoite too much space back, but just enough to encourage the illusion of it.

"You are - you do not even know where I came from. But we died the same way - "

They both share the wings of the angel of death.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"You don't know where I come from, either. Kaworu, I've decided that I don't want you to hate me."

It's an admittance.

[creationofwill]

"I am not going to hate you, Yoite, I could never hate you."

Kaworu doesn't want Yoite to hate him, either.

"I will never hate you, and I will never hate Sora."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

That leaves him winded, afraid, speechless and pointing.

[creationofwill]

This would be the best, necessary time to be able to touch him.

Or would it be at all?

"No," he says. "I don't... mean it like that." Kaworu places a hand near Yoite's cheek, close enough to pretend for touch, with just enough space to not screw it up. "I mean that... no one can truly know Yoite without knowing Sora. No one can truly accept Yoite without accepting Sora. No one can truly love Yoite without loving Sora."

He is trying not to think about his words now that they are out there. He was certainly not thinking while he said them. But thinking must happen and thinking turns his cheeks red. Like a girl.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

Yoite has no blood to rush to his cheeks, or he'd be blushing, too. Somehow, though, he can still cry, and he does, quietly. "You shouldn't say things like that. Kaworu. You shouldn't." He's so, so afraid. Sad, too. On the one hand, he'd love to feel the contact - on the other, he thinks that it's best that he doesn't. It would be wrong. It would also make him panic.

[creationofwill]

However would it be wrong? The panic, yes, but the rest? Where could it go badly?

"It's the truth, Yoite. The truth is never wrong, but do you realize I never even told Shinji that - realize what it says, what it means -"

The former angel's eyes are almost pleading, refusing to look away. Even if that would be, would be - so much easier.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

This is Yoite. Put him in a scenario and he thinks it's wrong.

"Why is it the truth?"

Yoite does look away. He seems ashamed.

[creationofwill]

"Can anyone ever know the whys?" Kaworu backs off, to sit on the floor beside his bed. He'll erase the whys, if he needs to. "Do you know them about those you love?"

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"Yes." It's one of the only things he can be sure of in this life - afterlife? Existence.

[creationofwill]

Aha, then Kaworu just fails at humanity. Again.

He looks under the bed for a hoodie and puts it on - crimson, just like those eyes. It's partially an excuse to not say anything, but maybe he's getting used to bar temperatures, after all. But it still stays unzipped.

And there really is no answer he could give at the moment except self-pity, so he gives none at all.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"Kaworu thinks I'm an important person." It's not phrased as a question, but it's tentative.

[creationofwill]

"Kaworu knows you're an important person," he corrects, his statement much more firm.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"Kaworu is good." It's sad-sounding.

[creationofwill]

"That is not a suitable factor?"

It had been 'contrary to necessities' for a long time. It wasn't, now. He could decide his own necessities and level of care for others.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"To what?" He doesn't get it.

[creationofwill]

Kaworu laughs. "I have no idea. You just sounded sad."

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"I don't know why I'm sad. I think it's the way your eyes look."

[creationofwill]

"How do they look?"

He does not know them to be anything but neutral. But he has not looked in a mirror since he was eleven. He does not like them at all.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"Like you care for me."

[creationofwill]

"They ought to, since it's true."

He always wonders what Yoite's eyes would show, but while you can look well enough, you never get the full picture. The hat protects him from others seeing that.

[truthlike.livejournal.com]

"I also care for Kaworu. I was glad when you told me you wouldn't die."

[creationofwill]

"I was fated to live forever. But I took ahold of my own fate, not caring for the future. No one else cared for it either."

Not more than superficially.

"You are one of the reasons I choose to live for a long while, now."